the ring ceremony...

melissa and me! :)

left to right: melissa, me, jeremiah, jake, josh, j.p., matt neff, robby, and como

again, me and melissa... :) in the limo!!!!

kim, melissa, me, and stevie

matt neff, j.p. and como being hams for the camera :)

today was a wonderful, fabulous, incredible day!!!! first of all, i got to sleep in, which is always fantastic...and then i went to the park to have some quiet time with God. that is my new favorite place to pray because it's safe, close to the apartment, and yet it feels very peaceful and undisturbed. :)

after getting ready for the day, brindy and melissa and i went shopping. we went to old navy (they were having the most huge sale EVER!!!) and so i bought some way cute things for, like, five bucks a piece! yay me!!! i got this one really expensive skirt that i've been wanting since i worked at old navy for 3.99!!!! OH YEAH!!! :)

then brindy had to go with kim and stevie to the church to get the night ready for us, and so melissa and i ordered a pizza and walked to the nearest gas station to get some soda--we then had a girly afternoon of watching a movie and eating pizza--yum! :) after that we got ourselves all pretti-fied for the night... we didn' really know what to expect, but they told us to get dressed up, and we knew we were going to be given our purity rings.

so we got to the church and took some pictures with everybody and then, next thing we knew, there's a limo pulling into the parking lot!!! they got us a sweet black limo!!!! :) so we all piled in, rocking out to christian music :) and drove to this gorgeous mansion of a house. we were then escorted, one by one, to the backyard down this amazing staircase, all lit up with candles and surrounded by plants and trees, and there's this little set up in the backyard (which just happens to overlook all of san diego) that looks like a wedding! jason and jessica were there, and so we had a short coram deo service with a bit of worship, under the stars, overlooking the lit-up pretty-ness of downtown... and then jason spoke on the committment we all are making to God this year in master's. he compared it to a wedding--a time of total faithfulness to God--a time of an undivided heart. he said it was important for us to really make this our choice and not a rule, and so after he spoke, he gave us all time to go off by ourselves and pray before they gave us our rings. then, whenever we felt ready, we could come back and all of the leaders would pray for us and we would officially be "married" to Jesus. okay, so it sounds kind of corny, but it was so incredibly powerful! it was actually really hard to make the commitment just because i know it's not going to be easy, but jason said that david, in the Bible, talked about how he did not want to give God a sacrifice which cost him (david) nothing. it made me realize that true surrender does hurt, but sacrifices which are painful offer the hope of transformation. i am so excited to see what the rest of this year has in store for all of us students, because it seems like every moment that i'm here, spending time in God's presence, He's chipping away a little more at my rough edges and human weaknesses, and helping me to see just how much i need Him. i made my commitment tonight. eight more months of single-ness and trusting God to fulfill my every need--to be my everything. something that really encouraged me in my prayer time this morning was the realization that God can be a Lover--after all, He did create romance!!! i wrote in my journal this morning: "i thank you, Father, that you smile at me in the sunshine, and kiss me with the cool breeze. you send me flowers daily and wink at me through the clouds--you are just as hopeless a romantic as i am!! :) thank you for sustaining me--that i can meet with you at anytime, surrender all that i am, and then be refreshed and filled again with you."
goodnight everyone!!! :) :) :)

happy to be home again...

me and melissa ready for our road trip to l.a.!!! :)

trying to get a pic of the HOLLYWOOD sign while driving on the freeway... it's the tiny white thing on the mountain in the upper left corner... :)

johnny depp's hands and feet... (sigh) :) i also got pics of shirley temple, dick van dyke, and other awesome-ly awesome people's handprints...:)

this is my blackmail photo of kim... we are making a throw-up face cuz we ate at Roscoe's... their "specialty" is fried chicken with waffles. weird. ew. the waffles were very delicious, though! :)

i made it back from L.A.!!!!! yay!!!!!!! no, so the trip was absolutely amazing, but i have come to appreciate my apartment and roommates and little top-bunk bed so much that i was giddy to be home! :)
alright, so we left on friday and it took about two and a half hours to get there... our group then walked around downtown hollywood area and just hung out for a bit. then we went to Roscoe's for chicken and waffles (yes, i did feel sick afterwards... i don't recommend combining those two yummy foods)... after dinner we headed to the church that we were staying at and put our stuff in our rooms (all the girls--nine of us-- shared a room with no beds, three little couches, and a very cold, hard, tile floor. guess where i got to sleep... nah! it wasn't so bad-- us master's girls are smarties and so we brought air mattresses!!!! yay!!!
we were up until 1 AM planning for the next day (saturday) when we would be doing a kid's camp thing in the park. a core group of ten people (a combo from all the different churches that came) got together and planned the whole thing... the message, the games, the skit, etc. i got to be part of that group!!!! it was a great experience, and everyone was awesome to work with! actually, my main job was filling up water balloons for the games, and so by the time i was done i looked like i had literally peed my pants (one of the balloons attacked me after i filled it up!!! :) )
okay, so saturday we had to be up by 8 for breakfast (no showers for the girls cuz it's a guys rehab center thing...so i was icky) then we left for adopt-a-block. we walked up and down this one neighborhood near the church, the guys mowing lawns and sweeping the streets...and i was with the group that went door to door giving people grocery bags of food and praying for them. that was SO cool!!!!!!!! most of the people spoke only spanish, but it was still powerful being there and hearing the other people pray for them.
after that we had some lunch and then headed off to the park to do the kids' service. that went really well and i made friends with a couple adorable little girls!!!! i love kids!!!!!!! :)
when we finished there it was about 4 and the girls got to take showers!!!!!!! we were all like, "praise the Lord!!!!" it was getting pretty nasty---i think we could all smell ourselves and it was not fresh. :)
after our showers we had dinner and then we went to el paseo...it's like a shopping center/movie theater place where tons of people hang out and we did some street evangelism. i don't know why, but that is SO hard for me!!!! i get so nervous just walking up to people and being like, "hey, i just wanted to let you know that God loves you, and if you need anything, i would love to pray with you." but anyways, we did that and then we went to skid row.
skid row was my favorite and least favorite part of the trip. it was by far the most powerful and eye-opening, realizing the poverty that some people live in, but it was so overwhelmingly sad. some of the girls felt really spiritually oppressed, and i don't know if i am just not as in-tune to spiritual forces, but all i could feel was pity. these people lived in human waste and among rats and garbage with no hope of getting out. where are they supposed to go? i wanted to hug them all and take them somewhere better... the whole situation felt hopeless. but we were able to pray for quite a few people, and we fed a bunch!!!! i never felt "unsafe" and i actually only saw one rat and one piece of poop (gross, i know...) but the entire area we were in smelled like when someone has a pet hamster and they never clean the cage. like rats and urine. there were a few prostitutes and their pimps out, but mostly it was just sleeping hobos in tents or cardboard boxes on the sidewalk. i asked that God would let me see them all the way He does, and it was incredibly overwhelming. i'm amazed at God's love for us. i can't even comprehend how great it is, and something that's kind of cool that i learned this week is that the testimony of God's love has not lost its power through the changing times because God loves us, you and me, as much today, in this moment, as He did on the day He died on the cross for us. FOR REALS!!!! that is so exciting to me!!!
well, i might have more stories to tell tomorrow (i have the morning off!! SLEEP!!!!) but right now i am going to go to bed... goodnight everyone!!! muah! :)

moments of profound-ness...

so, this is totally out of the blue, but today has been a rough sort of day...not physically or mentally, but emotionally. during prayer this morning i felt like i just hit a brick wall--and not like "i happened to look up and notice a wall," but like "i just suddenly smashed into this solid, unmoving mass"...and it hurt. i didn't know how to pray over, around, under, or through it. i didn't know what to do at all. i felt hopeless. i felt the same way at college group tonight. like my prayers came to a screeching halt because my mind was blank. all i could think about was me, my loneliness, and the wall (which probably is my loneliness). yes...for the first time since being here, i am sick. i am homesick, sick of certain rules, and sick of feeling confused about my future. but then God showed me something. while i've been here, i've really been relying on this program to draw me closer to God...like the program itself will actually "make me" grow spiritually into a more mature person. i've just assumed that all this time spent in prayer and doing missions stuff would make me "more holy." but God said, "nuh uh." apparently it's still my choice whether or not i'm going to go deeper with Him. it's up to me to seek God passionately, to realize that i need him desparately, and to face even the strongest, thickest walls with faith, knowing that God can break them down so that not even one brick is left standing. but it requires me to die to myself. and there, my friends, is the very large "wall" of a problem that i am up against. i HATE feeling lonely... but someone very wise (that's for you mom! :) ) told me that it is in those times of loneliness that God can truly move in my life and help me change and grow closer to Him...but i don't like it!!!!!! so there, i'm done with my little pity party...on to better, more positive things... :)

God also was reminding me today that i am a soldier in a spiritual battle... now, i don't normally think of myself that way, but i realized that if i don't take a stand as the warrior in Christ that i'm called to be, i'll be left standing at the foot of my wall for a very long time. one thing that has always motivated me and made me feel ready to "charge" into battle is something that dave actually read to my class in a chapel one year:

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

i am a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. i have the Holy Spirit's power. the die has been cast. i have stepped over the line. the decision has been made. i am a disciple of Jesus Christ. i won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. my past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. i am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

i no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. i don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. i now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

my pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission is clear. i cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. i will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

i won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until i've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. i am a disciple of Jesus Christ. i must go until He returns, give until i drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.

and when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. my colors will be clear for "i am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..." (romans 1:16)

by Dr. Bob Moorehead

yeah!!! i just think that thing is SO cool!!!! and i always feel all pumped up after i read it...like "i am gonna go kick some booty!!!" :) anyways, those are my profound, and somewhat mopey-yet-redeemed-at-the-end thoughts for the day... i leave for L.A. tomorrow, so i gotta do some packing now. goodbye my family and friends!!! :)

more pics!!! :)

como at STOMP practice (i think he was trying to be a pirate, but the only earrings he could find were brindy's feminine, dangling ones...so yeah... :)

Robby mooching food at COSTCO... he had a game-plan to hit every little food-sampler stand before we left the store: "start with the meats n work your way to the desserts." :)

Everybody from college group and master's

this is me on the scariest car ride of my life--i wanted photographic proof of the terror that i felt. :)

today is a wonderful day because it is our day off for the week!!! but i heard about something kind of cool the other day, so i'm giving it a try. i' m having a "silent day" where i don't speak or sing or make any vocal soundy things. :) the purpose is to truly learn how to be still and listen for God's voice. it's going pretty well so far, but it's only about 9 AM and i just woke up an hour ago. :) but after this i think i'm going to have some time with me and God, and hopefully i'll make it through the whole day without hearing the sound of my voice! :) us girls are going surfing later, so that will be pretty fun...but for the most part today is a "chill" sort of day. i have a bit of homework to finish, and i should get started on next week's homework, but we'll see... :) um...okay, that's all for now!!!! XOXOXOXOXO!!! :)

20somethings retreat and pics! :)

me, jake, and como (left to right) praying for one of the women we took food to...

brindy, melissa, and me after a post-it ice-breaker game thing... :)

me, kim, and robby making STOMP instruments (aka: tying yarn to soda cans. :) )

my accountability group! --jake, matt neff, stevie, and melissa :)

hi everyone!!! i finally have a couple minutes of free time, so i'll type fast!!! (imagine me right now with my fingers flying super fast across the keyboard---i will be hitting the backspace button many, many times, i'm sure... :) )

anyways, this last weekend the college group went on a 20somethings retreat, and it was awesome!!!! the worship was incredible, and the speaker was this pastor who had to have his leg amputated after a really bad motorcycle crash. he was so motivating because he had such a great attitude about life even though he was missing a limb! it made me realize that i really have nothing to complain about!!! :)

during our free time on saturday, the college group went to costco and bought a bunch of groceries and then we took them to families like single moms, and people who'd just had surgery, etc. it was awesome!!! sandra, the college leader lady said that since we were getting fed (spiritually) this weekend, we were going to feed (physically) those in need. how cool is that??? :)

i do have to say, the scariest part of my weekend was the ride up--i thought i was going to die. literally. the girl that drove wasn't just a crazy scary driver, but on top of that she was indecisive. holy cow... i learned my lesson riding with her on the way up. on the drive home i just laid down and took a nap. i figured if my time of doom was approaching, i didn't want to see it coming. :) thankfully, i survived!!! yay for God and miracles!!!!! :) :)

um...what else? last night the guys had a men's dinner thing and so all of the girls went over to sandra's house for cooking lessons and a movie night---it was way fun!!! i learned how to make enchiladas...they were delicious!!!!!!!! then we watched a scary movie, though, and i don't like scary movies--and now i know why! they NEVER have a happy ending!!!! GRRRR!!!! :) actually, that would have been the only down-er of my night. i could have totally gone for a chick flick or comedy...maybe next time! :)

this weekend we are out of town again: we're going to L.A. or more specifically, Skid Row...i guess it is one of the most dangerous streets in the country at night because of the drugs, drunkards, and prostitutes...so of course that's where we are going! :) please be praying for me!!! i'm not nervous, but i really want the hearts of the people we will be ministering to to be ready to hear the Word of God and about his love for them. it will be, again, a time of stretching me out of my comfort zone, but i know it will be incredible--and i love road trips!!!!! i'll try to keep y'all updated!!!! i love you guys!!!!!! :) :)

hi everybody!!! :)

hola friends and family!!! sorry i haven't updated this in the last few days... i'm slackin', i know! :) anyways, i'll try to remember the highlights of this last week...
thursday night, our leaders invited a guest worship team, and so for about three-ish hours we prayed and praised God--that was awesome!!!! but it got even better!!! i was feeling very drained physically from boot camp, emotionally from the worship service, but spiritually very full from everything...but then brindy got up and said "you guys did amazing during boot camp. today was actually the last day--you all get friday and saturday off. relax and enjoy!" it was so funny because all of us students had these dumb-founded looks on our faces, and then we just sort of collapsed against the wall and sighed with relief. we actually get to sleep????? what is sleep????? i don't even know if my body will remember how to do that.... :)
friday was spent with my roomies, watching movies, falling asleep during the movies, eating food, taking naps after eating the food, and then going out for frozen yogurt. it was a perfect day. :) then saturday we went to coronado to see the beautiful (and very expensive) island...we ate at an awesome cafe called 1134, and spent ten dollars on lunch for a wrap and a can of soda. whoa!! it was really fun though...then we went shopping at target and a few other stores--and i was so excited because we went to this really amazing and not totally pricey clothing store--and i didn't buy anything!!!!!!! yay me!!!! maybe i'm actually learning self-control!!!! (or maybe none of the clothes that i tried on fit me very well... :) ) we'll say i'm learning how to save money...it sounds more responsible. :)
sunday and monday i don't really remember what happened...uh...must not make for too good of a story!! today won't be very exciting, but we have to take our bible memory test... i should be studying for that now...but i think i'm ready!!! :) we have stomp practice again tonight, so maybe i'll get to throw a can at someone's head again!!! lucky me...
oh yeah! yesterday i did get to assemble a vacuum...and it even worked after i put it together!!! i was quite pleased with myself. :) okay, i think that's about everything...
hope life's going wonderfully for everyone!!! i love you all and am keeping everyone in my prayers!!! XOXOXOXOXOXO

My testimonial experience... :)

october 2, 2008

alright...i have lots to type, and it’s already 12:30 in the morning, so i gotta make this fast. in the last 60ish hours, i have slept for 5 and ½ hours. now i will tell you what we’ve been doing to keep us all so busy...
on monday, we learned “locked.” it is a human video set to the skillet song: Locked. it is pretty awesome, but we practiced for four hours straight, and so it was pretty intense. then we started STOMP. i actually, honestly, can’t remember what days we did what, so i’m just gonna type out some stories in random order:
STOMP is going to be awesome; the scene is in a restaurant, and we are “cleaning up the place.” there are lots of cups being smashed and spins and bangs and cool stuff—but i have a really hard time with my part. so i’m a waitress and i have to hook-throw a cup over my head to this guy in the back so he can throw it in the trash and have it break. the issue??? my aim is a little off... the first time i threw it i almost took off Como’s head (he’s one of the drummers in the back). literally, the cup was only a couple inches from his head!!!! that happened a couple of times—all of them were very close calls. so, as a preventative measure, the boys decided to set up a wall made out of music stands to block Como’s area. no joke, i hit that wall about five times—and i just couldn’t get my aim right!!!! i did get pretty frustrated with myself because it was like, seriously??? i can’t throw a stinking cup in the right direction without almost killing someone????? GRRR!!! but besides those mishaps, it was pretty fun!
today was very interesting... after sleeping for 2 and ½ hours last night, we had prayer at 7am. staying awake for that might have been the hardest thing i’ve done the whole time i’ve been here. i have to close my eyes to pray cuz otherwise i get distracted, but i seriously kept falling asleep—and i was standing up!!!!!! i’d barely catch myself as i was losing my balance after zoning out and starting to fall asleep. it was pretty bad...
then, after prayer, mike tells us that we are going to go downtown and do some street evangelism. we had to share our testimony of what God’s done in our lives with random people. i have a few good stories from that experience:
i was so nervous, but really i was almost too tired to care if people looked at me like i was crazy...i was actually more afraid of the people that actually said yes and then i’d have to sound eloquent or at least somewhat intelligent! well, the first person i approached was a lady standing on the side of the road—she looked nice, somewhat older, and like she had nothing to do at the moment. perfect, right? so i walked up and said hi, shook her hand and introduced myself, and then asked her if i could tell her what God’s done in my life. the second i said God, she totally shut down on me. she said, “you know, i’d rather not. goodbye.” i was like, cool...i have been rejected...now i don’t have to be so afraid. the next people i talked to was a young woman and her little daughter. she said she was already fine with God and didn’t want to hear my testimony. the third couple i talked to was really friendly. the wife was trying to take a pic of her husband, so i offered to take one of them together. after that, i introduced myself and they were really nice and told me their names and stuff. then i asked if i could tell them my experience with God and the man, no joke, put his arm around his wife and dragged her away from me saying “no. no...” i think he must have had a bad experience with church or religion at some point in his life before...
by this time i was about ready to cry because 1) no sleep and 2) nobody wanted to hear what i had to say (and it was an assignment—no pressure!!!!)
so as i’m walking dejectedly along the sidewalk, i see this lady in a wheelchair, going over to the dock to just stare out at the water. i was like, hey, she can’t out-run me, so i’m gonna go talk to her. as i approached her, i heard her talking, but she didn’t have a cell phone, and no one was around her. when i was too close to just turn and walk away, i realized she was talking very conversationally with a nearby pigeon. yeah. so anyways, i very eloquently said, “kaylee. my name.” i blame that on a sudden and selective case of dyslexia. anyways, she looked at me like i was a poor pitiful and handicapped little child (and yet she was the one talking to the bird...go figure) so she let me tell her my testimony. well, i was so excited that i sat down next to her and set my hands on the ground beside me. and i gracefully placed my left hand in a pile of green pigeon poop. that right there is the story of my life. anyways, that conversation ended very awkwardly, and so i was seriously about ready to give up, when, as i was walking and praying that God would send a divine encounter, i saw this lady who looked to be in her young thirties walking along the sidewalk in no big hurry. i told God this was probably my last person (how much rejection can one poor boot-camped-out master’s student handle their second week???) anyways, we made eye contact and so i said hi and asked if i could walk with her for a minute. she looked at me funny but, with the cutest accent was like, “ya, sure.” i used her accent to start up a conversation, asking her where she was from and stuff. she was born in brazil and her name is sandra. well, i told her why i moved to san diego after she told me her story, and i explained master’s commission and then asked if i could tell her my testimony. she was like, “with God?” and i was like, yep! she then told me that she believes in God and loves him. she loves praying at the beach and in the outdoors because God can hear her everywhere and he will never let her down. i think that we had about the same core beliefs about God, but i think she had a few random “god is in all things” statements thrown into our conversation. but the coolest part was that i almost broke down crying when God used her to speak to me. she said, “no matter who rejects you, or how many times people choose not to listen to you, never give up. God is on your side, and he will never leave you or let you down.” it was seriously so cool because when i asked God for a divine encounter, i thought i would change somebody’s life, and maybe God did use me to do that...but more than that, i was changed. this woman spoke truth into my life that i really needed to hear in that moment. it was so invigorating!!!!
after we got back to the church, we started learning another human video called iris. it’s a secular song, but it really gives a good message. i got a main part, but only because i have the coolest roommate ever and she didn’t want it when they gave it to her. the leaders haven’t really seen any of us perform, so they didn’t really have preferences; they were kind of just sticking people places. i love my part!!! it’s sad, but really powerful. i’m a girl who gets abused by her father and then runs to her boyfriend to save her, but really she’s just settling for him because she doesn’t think she can have anything better. there are other scenes, but that’s my part in it...
well anyways, we actually ended up performing all of our dramas tonight and sharing our testimonies in front of a small group of the youth students. we did the two big group dramas, and then two other ones that are both small group (everybody’s only in one). that was such an adrenaline rush!!! i mean, we learned all of this stuff in the last two days!!! it was insane!!! but now i’m going to go to bed...i just thought everyone should be updated on my life... we did get a nap in the park today which kind of helped sustain me, along with God’s grace. i’m doing great emotionally, and physically i’m exhausted but hanging in there. boot camp is almost half-way done, and so i know that we can all do it! i see such a transformation in all of us already, and seriously this is only our first “for reals” week of master’s. i can’t wait to see what’s coming next... i love you all!!!