okay, i’m back and i have a lot to tell...
i’m finally out of the slight state of...well i guess you could call it minor depression. this last week was a real tough one for me emotionally. and yet, i can still see how truly blessed i am and how honestly, my problems don’t really amount to much in the whole scheme of things. first, i should tell you that one of the things i was looking forward to the most this year was going on tour. i think i had both selfish and unselfish motives in wanting to go, but i just REALLY wanted to go. we were told this week that because of finances and the economy right now, we will be unable to go. so i was bummed about that. i also, surprisingly, though, had a really easy time getting over it. i was like, cool, God, you must have something else planned for us.
beyond what i can see
you are working in me
i cannot know what your plans are for me
but faith keeps on trusting
even when it’s blind
i’ll still choose to lift my hands and worship you
nothing’s changed—
you deserve all my praise
have your way
so then i let myself start getting super excited for our trip to mexico. we were supposed to leave tomorrow and be gone for 8 days putting on a big outreach and serving the community, working in an orphanage and other cool ministry stuff. the day after we found out about tour, they sat us down and told us we’re not going to mexico, either. okay, so this time i was a little more disappointed. i was just so ready to be out of our routine for a little while and go travel and minister... but i was still like, okay, God, you’re teaching me that i can minister right where i am at. i’ll do my best. that night, due to more financial yucky-ness, i had to cancel my summer plans which means i don’t know what i’m doing with myself after master’s. so that was kind of my melt-down point of “God, what are you doing?????” i still trust him, know he’s sovereign and in control of everything, know he has a better plan for myself than i have, and am willing to do what he calls me to do. it was just an overwhelming week of disappointments. but i know God is working out something bigger for myself than i could ever dream, and i just sometimes step out of his timing...
finally i am broken
i’m ready to be poured out
though i am nothing
still you call me yours
that’s why i need you
i need you
i can’t do this on my own
so break me down
i won’t stand in your way
in you i am sustained
but today i finally woke up feeling refreshed!!! i know that i only have a short time left in master’s and i’ve still got a lot of changing left to do. and as of right now, it looks like i’ll be moving back to idaho right after master’s and living there at least for the summer. beyond that, i have no idea. it’s funny how quickly God can change my plans. i think he gets pretty amused with me, actually, and the fact that i do plan my life so far in advance. he’s teaching me to live more for the beauty of the moment, and as kim said last night, “look for God’s love letters to you in the beautiful, blessed moments of the day.” yes, be future minded, but not to the point of missing out on actually living. God’s going to do something amazing—he’s already doing something amazing—he is amazing!!!! :)
okay, so about the fun and wonderful things that have been happening:
my backwards party was a success—and the best backwards snack was azzip... upside down pizza :) it was so cute and clever!!! on friday we went surfing and i got up SO many times!!! and i got to use a giant pink surfboard!!! it was SO SO SO fun! and it was beautiful in the water! it was a little cold, but my wetsuit kept me plenty warm—i just love san diego :) then we went bike-riding along the bay...i had a very wonderful outside-day. then saturday we went to the beach again and i went running on the beach!!! yay!!!! it is true...outdoor running is more enjoyable than treadmill running! i never believed people when they would tell me that but now i do :) :) today is also going to be an excellent day: prayer, study time, lunch, accountability group time, master’s dinner (carne asada tacos!) and coram deo!!! yay!!!! so life is beautiful and blessed, and i don’t have to know what my future is to trust that God has everything under control.
