Only two months left...

so, it kind of just hit me that masters is, for reals, nearing an end...so what am i doing with my time????? i want to make sure that i am taking from this program EVERYTHING that i can get out of it, because once graduation comes, i can't rely on the program to schedule my prayer time anymore, or make me volunteer around the church, or give me cool ministry opportunities...that will all be on me. so am i ready for that?
i'm actually super excited to find out the answer to that question. i'm still thrilled to be in masters, but there is definitely a huge part of me that is looking forward to moving home this summer and seeing what else God has for me: so i'm living to enjoy every moment, but i'm absolutely NOT dreading the future at all... :)
now, about my plans for the near future--they are still very up-in-the-air and uncertain, but for now i'm just planning on moving back to idaho and getting a job and getting involved in church. God's funny because he knows that i am a total planner, so i think he likes to wait til the last minute to tell me what he wants me to do... but that's okay because i'm definitely learning through the process. it's kind of exciting and fun to know that God's love is so extravagant that he surprises me with incredible blessings because i never know what to expect of the future. God has really been drawing me further into knowing him by reminding me of why i came to masters in the first place--the whole point is to fall in love with Him, and so that's where i'm at. nothing else really matters except loving God and, in doing so, loving other people. the other day, when that really hit me, it made me question my motives and everything, and so, of course, i wrote a song... :)

who am i to think
that i can do anything
on my own, apart from you

sure i know all the words
yeah i can play the part
but none of that really counts
God you see what's in my heart

so bring me back to you
the first love i ever knew
you hold my dreams, hold all of me
you can have my heart
i want to be found in you
and find out who i really am
see what i'm made of, and finally make my stand
i want to be found in you


i think that is my biggest goal right now...to simply be so immersed in God that the only way i can find myself or know who i am is by going even deeper with God. we actually had a coram deo that was about returning to God as your first love. it was SO good!!! i'll just write down some of the notes that i took from it:

1. i need to release control of whatever i'm holding on to and just be still before God--remember his faithfulness
2. sometimes it feels like God is playing Hide and Seek with us: our walk with God is a relationship and so it should be two-way. how much do i desire God? am i willing to seek him out?
3. God carries me in the hard times--i can see that if i stop looking at my problems
4. seek God's kingdom FIRST and then he takes care of our every need
5. God wants me to love him first and most
6. God's not going to aks you to do something without empowering you to do it

this week my one of my verses for scripture memory was about how we so easily forget what our purpose is:
"You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: you have forsaken your first love."
-Revelation 2:3-4
so, it doesn't matter how faithful we are in our actions if in our hearts we have been unfaithful to God. i have to constantly check myself and see if i'm simply going through the motions instead of doing things because i'm crazy in love with God. i can say all the right things and still be totally wrong. i can act like the most "christian" person ever, and still God is calling to me saying, "you still don't get it." it's not about a performance, and it's not about always "sounding right." (trust me, i'm totally preaching to myself right now!) God loves us. He just wants us to love him in return. it really is that simple. we just tend to overcomplicate things by a lot. so God is romancing me all over again and reminding me that it is not about looking perfect and like i have it all together on the outside...it's just about allowing him to drench me in his love and then responding to that love. hmmm...it's such a peaceful and calming realization. no longer having to strive for perfection, but instead being free to actively pursue the Love we all long for.
i want to encourage whoever is reading this to just pick up God's Word and start reading it. i heard the other day of a woman, a prostitute actually, who was told about Jesus by one of my mentors. after hearing about Jesus she wanted to learn more, and so she started reading the Bible. she began in the New Testament and read the whole thing. then she went to the Old Testament and read it too... and do you know how long it took her to read all of that??? one week.
now, obviously, that's not realistic for most people...i've been going on a couple weeks and i'm still in genesis :) but the point is, if we want to know more of God, it's in the Bible! it was written by Him and is therefore the best place to learn more about Him! One of the most interesting things i've learned so far is that people are very good at stepping out of God's perfect timing. Adam and Eve had perfection, but they chose to follow their own desires (Genesis 3), Abraham and Sarah were promised a son, but they couldn't wait and so they made their own plans (Genesis 16), Jacob was promised that he would rule over his brother and be great, but he couldn't wait for God's promise to be fulfilled, and so he stole from his brother (Genesis 27)... etc. realizing this was huge for me! like i said before, God is teaching me how to trust him even when i don't have a plan, and i'm learning most of that by reading the Bible. i don't want to step out of God's perfect timing--so sometimes i'm going to have to be willing to wait on the voice of God. i don't know exactly what direction my life is headed right now, but honestly i'm okay with that. God has always been faithful to me, and he is the same yesterday, today, and forever. he'll do much greater things with me than i could ever do with myself, so i'm going to just hand everything over to him and leave the planning of my future to the One who holds my future.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'" --Jeremiah 29:11