God is good ALL the time.

hello everyone!! wow...so the last couple of weeks have been incredible and incredibly difficult at the same time. God's been truly testing me and stretching my faith quite a lot. you know how we always sing songs like, "you are all i need" and stuff to God? but how true is that really???? i think that's one benefit to hard times--they sort of bring out who you really are and how deep your walk with God is. for me, i still have a long ways to go until i actually live like God is all i need, but i'm at least at the place where i WANT him to be all that i need. the bummer about that is when you pray that God be all you need, sometimes the other things you really like or hold on to will get taken away. it's like if you pray for patience--be prepared! cuz you're probably about to get caught in the worst traffic of your life or meet a person that will drive you nuts! God has a funny way of teaching us things, but it really is effective... :)
i also moved this week! finances are pretty tight here at master's, and so to cut back on the costs me and my roommies moved out of our 3-bed 2-bath apartment into a 2-bed 1-bath. it's actually super cute, and my roommates are way easy to live with, so the fact that it is a lot smaller isn't a big deal at all. we did almost flip out when we thought there wasn't going to be a washer and dryer, but praise the Lord, there is!!! ...the fact that they are in the kitchen is kind of funny, though. :)
speaking of funny... so, for some reason, the boys in this program are very...uh...united? so yesterday morning, como decided that he wanted to cut his hair into a mohawk---then he talked matt neff into doing it--then jeremiah. then robby. then jake. then jp. then josh. yes...it's true. master's boys turned into the mohawked men. it was so funny this morning because we all went out to breakfast and people just stare. seven boys with crazy mohawks--i just love our group. :) i'll post pictures of that in the next couple of days...
hmm...what else? tonight i have a backwards party in my missionettes class! they are working on their friendship badge, and so i thought that a lot of times friendship is backwards. if someone says something mean, you don't say anything mean back--if someone hurts you, you're supposed to love them--etc. so tonight all the girls have to dress backwards and bring backwards snacks and we're making necklaces and playing games...it will be fun!!! my backwards snacks are these carrot cookies that i made last night. they taste like carrot cake minus the frosting. they are "backwards" cuz vegetables don't normally go in cookies, right? it's funny cuz it was my idea to do backwards snacks, but then i had NO idea what i was going to do!!!! i'm excited to see what the kids thought of...there are prizes for the most creative! i'll let you know how it goes... ;)
God's been teaching me a lot about insecurities, too. i've started playing the keyboard (just pads--nothing intense :) for college group on tuesday nights for the worship team, and last night they had me back-up sing, too. and i pretty much failed miserably. i didn't hit wrong notes or anything---i just basically chickened out!!! i couldn't do it!!! i just ducked my head away from the microphone and focused very studiously on playing the keyboard!!! how lame am i????? it's like the second i get in front of people my throat constricts and my voice becomes this raspy whisper. and i know it's my own fault. and i know my voice is my instrument that God gave me to praise him. and i know that i'm only playing/singing for an audience of One and all that. but did that help me last night???? nope.
really, it helped to humble me. ...and boy isn't that a fun lesson to learn. :) but i know that the experience is great for me, and i will eventually apply all those things that i "know" and listed above--it might just take me some time to allow God complete control over that area of my life. i don't know why, because acting in front of people doesn't scare me; public speaking does, but not too horribly. but when it comes to singing, i want to melt into a puddle of fear and sink into a large hole that magically opens up beneath me. i guess singing makes me feel more vulnerable than anything else... so isn't that great? :) :) God really is awesome, though, and i have a desire to praise him with my voice and be vulnerable in front of people so that they can enter into worship too, so God will help me to overcome my insecurities...i have faith in that. :)
so that's my life right now...there's more, but i gotta go "backwards-ify" myself for my party, so i'll post some pics and more of my thoughts on life in the next couple of days. i love you all and thank you for your prayers! remember---God is so good, and that does not depend on our circumstances at all!!!! no matter what, God is good!!!!!!!! :)

the best AC time EVER!!! :)

It's been a long time... :)

the time has come to give up now
but i find it hard to let go
so empty me
of all these things
that keep me from seeing you

come into this place
and drench me in you
consume me with desire
i want to know you more

recently, God has been teaching me how to let go of things that still have me bound and keep me from going deeper with him. it's a challenging thing, allowing God to truly have control of every area of my life, but it's also exciting! i know that God wants to move in powerful ways and use me for his glory... so that's where i'm at right now. :)
i've also been praying a lot about what i'm supposed to do after master's, and even though God hasn't filled me in on his plans yet, i do have some ideas...but i'll let y'all know when i'm a bit more sure :)
okay, where to begin... we'll start with valentine's day. us master's peeps got to deliver flowers for valentine's day as a fundraiser, and it was so good for me!!! i didn't really enjoy it, but it taught me how to drive a cargo van filled with vases of flowers in the back, in the dark and rain while reading directions driving downtown with all the one-way streets. um...it was kind of stressful, but i only had a few near-accident incidents, and only one major meltdown moment. :) besides that, though, i learned how to not panic when i'm lost and drive like i really am from california. how's that for life lessons??? :)
right now we are reading the five love languages for singles book, and it's super cheesy, but still really good!!! learning that everybody has a different set of love languages is pretty cool cuz it helps you know how to best treat that person with the kind of love that they need. i love all that psychology stuff!!! :) :)
this weekend should be really fun because the college group is going hiking on saturday and then having a BBQ---i'm really looking forward to that, and i'm sure i'll get some real good stories out of it...
we performed a human video on sunday to the song i can only imagine. it was awesome!!! we made the audience cry... :) i was a little girl (so of course i had pigtails in my hair) and i was crippled. my scene showed my dad putting me in bed and then me dreaming that i went to heaven and could jump around and walk... it was fun cuz me and "my dad" got to jump around on a mattress like little kids... and there's other scenes going on at the same time: a blind guy gets his sight restored, an old man sees his wife again in heaven, etc. and then the song ends with us back on earth still sleeping and it was all a dream. kind of sad, but also encouraging knowing that the troubles and hardships of this life will not follow us into heaven, but there we will be fully restored. yay!
so basically, i'm still completely loving it here, and i'm as determined as ever to continue going deeper with God. i found out the statistics for people staying close to God after master's are not so great, but i don't want to be the statistic. i want to, every day, grow closer to my Savior. he's the only thing that makes life worth living, and that fact is becoming more and more real to me all the time.
well, that's all for now...but hopefully i'll be able to update this again really soon!!! i miss you, family and friends!!! :) :)

it's february... :)

wow...life has been so crazy busy it feels like i haven't blogged in forever!!! right now, i'm working on planning out what i am going to do after master's...and i am so excited!!! because i know that no matter how much i plan, God is in control. there is no point in worrying because God already knows where he wants to take me. :) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and i will listen to you. you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (jeremiah 29:11-13). God is just so faithful to me, and i can't wait to see how he's going to continue changing me in these last few months at master's. i really am excited to be almost done, but i want to enjoy every moment that i have left here. i've kind of started falling into the "routine" of master's---prayer in the morning, services at night, lots of stuff in the middle...but i don't want it to be like that. i want every day to start off fresh with excitement at the gift i have to meet with God anytime, anywhere. i want Him to continue blowing my mind everyday, and i want to never get stuck in the rituals of being a Christian. i want it to be more than just part of who i am and what i do--i want Christ to define me. i want my entire identity to be founded in Him.

You desire all of me
I cry out, "Intimacy"
You embrace me
And my chains release me

And I run to you
And I fall into
The deepest ocean
The depths of your Comfort
Take me in
To you

i wrote that the other day in prayer when i really felt God calling me to trust him even more than i already am. he'll get me through anything...yay God!
alright..now i'll try to remember some of the great stuff that's been happening the last few days/weeks...
yesterday the whole master's group went out to breakfast at Kono's, the yummiest pancake breakfast place ever, and it's right on the beach!!! that was super fun, especially because the church paid for it... :) a few days ago my accountability group went bike-riding along the beach, then stopped at this little place where you can climb down a cliff to get literally ON the beach. that was super fun, but once we climbed down the cliff we all sort of looked back and were like, "now, how were we planning on getting back up there?" obviously, though, i survived, and am still around to talk about it. :) OH! okay, so for ministry time the other day we all went to a skate-boarding park downtown to take food to the people hanging out there, and just to board around with them. well, me and skateboard do not really mix well, but being the brilliant person that i am, i thought, "why not?" so i hopped on the skateboard and biffed the concrete harder than anyone has ever biffed it in the history of biffing it! okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but i did hit the ground really hard. :) both of my palms are swollen and bruised, and my knee looks like i took a hammer to it. but despite the pain, i had a lot of fun, and i was SO glad that i tried it!!!! i also went sunset surfing the other night--and it was beautiful!!! it's one thing to stand back and watch the sun set, but to be in the water, on the waves, watching the sky change from orange to pink to a deep red until it all disappears was absolutely beautiful! :) i didn't do too well surfing, but that's totally not the point. :) :) all in all, life is fantastic right now, and even though sometimes i have my moments of frustration, i wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here... thank you for all your prayers! :)

fun pictures :)

Just catching up... :)

hello! okay, so today was such an amazingly fun day that i don’t even know where to begin!!—but maybe we should start with the fact that i shot a bow and arrow today!!!! and i actually almost got a bulls eye!!! :) :) :) the whole archery thing was jeremiah’s idea for our accountability group time today...and i was thrilled! who would have ever thought that i would have been shooting today? :) now, of course, if you know me at all, you also know that i had to have done something somewhat dumb or silly while shooting pointy sticks at far-away targets...yes, i did do some funny stuff. first of all, i’m not as strong as i thought, because several of the arrows i shot literally bounced right off of the target—my AC group got a kick out of that one. i also punched myself in the face when i let go of the arrow....and my chin really did not appreciate that. :) but that was a super fantastic part of the day.
also, today was our first official worship team night. the master’s group was the worship team at the downtown God group, and it was so much fun!!! i was pretty comfortable cuz it’s not a big crowd at all, and so i really felt like i was able to focus on God—i really don’t want to get to the place where i’m a performer...i want to truly enter into a time of personal worship even as my team leads the congregation into their own worship times. jess is an INCREDIBLE worship leader and i am going to LOVE working with her!!! so today was great! :)
This last weekend all of us master’s students went on a retreat to the mammoth—we got to stay in a lodge surrounded by BEAUTIFUL snow-covered mountains and just enjoy each other’s company. every night we had a service with worship and then one of the leaders would speak: the main theme over the weekend was about family and how God uses our relationships with others as an example of how our relationship with him works. at one point jason was speaking about that and all of a sudden his baby daughter, emma, let out a really loud squeal and he just stopped everything he was doing and looked at her with that “i’m-wrapped-around-your-finger” kind of look and said, “yes, baby...” and then all this other stuff in that language that people always use when they talk to babies...and i realized something pretty cool. God is a Father just like that. no matter what else he is doing, it is never an interruption to him at all if we cry out. he is always right there waiting to talk back to us and listen to what we have to say. he adores us. he wants to hear from us. he wants us to come unto him so that he can speak life into us when we are tired or need uplifted. i just love how God is like that... :) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest.” –matthew 11:28
besides learning a lot, this weekend was also one of the most fun times of my life! one night we played this game that had everyone laughing hysterically... other times we would all go to the Looney Bean for coffee and just to hang out...one day melissa and i went for a walk and found a cute little snow-covered park...we had a snowball fight and i totally kicked butt!!! in all fairness, though, it was her first time ever being in the snow, so of course i had the advantage... :)
one last story: right after i got back from christmas break, matt neff decided that it was a good idea to cut his hair, but he let brindy and kim do it. well, they are far from professionals, and so matt now has a mullet/mohawk with a rather funny bald spot on the right side of his head. i literally laughed so hard i almost threw up while they were cutting his hair...it just kept getting worse and worse!!! but it was so hilarious and he was laughing right along with us (which made it even more funny) he took my hairdryer and started blowing his hair all different funky ways...(sigh)...i didn’t know it was possible to laugh so hard over something as little as hair. :) :) :) but that’s what i love about these people. they make everything fun, even the small things. especially the small things. :)

travel day...

hello my wonderful readers!! right now i am sitting in the salt lake city airport enjoying a cucumber salad while i endure my 5 ½ hour layover...fun stuff, right?? :) but, i figured, why would i just waste my time doing nothing when i could be working on finally updating my blog!!! brilliant, i know... :)
leaving home was hard, but instead of focusing on the sadness of it all, i am going to blog about all of the wonderful memories i have of this Christmas break:
first of all, i LOVED seeing my family!!! my sister and i made it a priority to watch movies almost every night... (and she bought me the hunchback of notre dame, so i made sure we got that one in before i left... :) my mom and i had coffee every chance we got, because that’s just one of the best conversation drinks ever in my opinion and we also watched Gilmore Girls!!!!! :) and i was SO thankful because my dad was able to have two weeks off of work so that he could actually be home while i was—God is so good!!! :)
i also had a really interesting opportunity present itself over break...a chance to go to college this fall 2009. it’s still up in the air, and there are lots of details that God would need to work out before it could happen, but let’s just say i’m excited by the possibilities in my future!!! :) i’ll keep you all posted on that info...
basically, God has been proving himself to me over and over again—he is so good and he is so faithful. the more intimately deep our relationship goes, the more i realize that i truly do not have to fear or worry about anything, especially my future. i just need to enjoy today, and the moments that i have been given. alright, i know it’s cheesy, but i love kung fu panda, so i’m gonna quote the old turtle: “yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery. but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.” yay! i just think that if i could really grasp the meaning of that quote and actually apply it to my life, i would be such a content person!
so this morning was really fun! my family realized that the way they had scheduled my flight into salt lake would only leave me about 30 minutes (if everything was on time) to get to my other flight to san diego... well, with the weather and my luck with flying, it wasn’t really worth the risk. so we figured i would fly standby at 11ish this morning, but when we got to the airport, the lady said i could only get the 1:10 flight to salt lake, but i would still have to take my original 8:00 flight out to san diego. and so, with no other options, we checked my bag and then mom, kelsie, and i went out to brunch. that was super fun and a great way to end my time in idaho!!! but that, my friends, is why i will be in salt lake for the next umpteen years of my life!!! :) :) actually, it is going quite well so far, and on the plane ride here i even had the row to myself!!! yay me! :) now, i think i am going to make my way to a comfy seat (comfy being a loose and relative term) and read more of frank peretti’s the oath... excellent book! goodbye!!! :) :)
oooh...okay, i am now eating a fruit cup, and i just bit into a strawberry and the first thing it reminded me of was movie theater butter popcorn... weird. that’s all! :)